Monday, December 10, 2007

serious blog--beware

For those of you who come to this blog for humor, you're not gonna get it tonight. I've been having these weird thoughts since last Friday, and I think if I hash them out in "print" they will make more sense.

And no, I'm not depressed, sad, melancholy, or having a pity party. I've just been spending too much time with people who are way more philosophical than me.

I think I've decided that romantic love doesn't exist. I think what people think of as love begins as lust. You get so into a person that you can't think of anything else. You want to be with them, you spend all day thinking of them, and you daydream of the two of you in numerous situations. Lust. If you spend enough time together, you think that you are falling in love. What I think is really happening is that you are merely strengthening the bond by connecting in a deep friendship. The more time you spend together, your friendship is tested by daily trials and more serious dilemmas. If you can make it through all this as a couple, what you have is a fantastic friendship that has been fortified with a new found respect. Friendship and respect together seem to equal romantic love, but I don't think it is love. If it were, people wouldn't fall out of it. So many couples split these days. How often does a marriage really succeed? Only about 50% of the time. That's not love. But how often do you hear of a parent "falling out of love" with their children? I think the only true love is what parents feel for a child and what God feels for us--His children. That is the true love that is never ending.

Don't get me wrong! I am still looking for Mr. Right. This crazy idea won't stop me thinking that people should meet and fall in lust-friendship-respect. I just don't believe in romantic love. I think it is a figment of the media and all those crazy poets and artists
throughout the ages. It has nothing to do with Hallmark cards, flowers, and chocolates.

Whoa. No more 12 hour days for me. Too much time to think. :-)


carlita said...

I concur. We seem to have the same understanding of this relationship thing we humans go through. As a still married female, yet living separately from the husband for a while, I have pondered the same topic. We thought divorce might be an answer, but it turns out we're more miserable without each other in our lives. We want to stay married. We're working it out.
FYI Don't drag the past up and hold it against each other. Resolve it, agree to disagree, etc. Go forward.

My philosophical/psychological pointer for the day!!

Heather said...

umm....I had something meaningful that I was going to post here as a comment.

Oh well, keep sorting through it will all make sense somehow.

Andrew said...

As about most human activities, I'm sure that using a single definition of true love is an unlikely way to speak accurately of anything we get up to with or feel for each other. Once you leave the definition aside, I'm interested in the transition from affection to arousal - that to me seems to be the transition point at which people start talking about love in that special way. Or maybe it's just all the 12 days of pornmas....

JCC said...

I love this side of you! So the old married girl has to ring in on this one =)

(Not advice of any sort, just how I have sene it in my own realtonship).

Partnerships are like grilling styles (yes, grilling, like as in cooking meat, hehe). Alot of people like to skip ahead, in the essence of time, drench the charcoal (the relationship) in lighter fluid. Afterall, we're all hungry so we want the fire to blaze...and quickly! If you grill alot you know what happens next...big fire, lighter fluid burns off, fire goes out or coals struggle to stay lit.

The real way to get a super hot, long lasting fire is to get the warmth deep in the coals until they change into white, softer using kindling (newspaper perhaps) and time (letting the lighter fluid soak in at least 30 minutes) before you throw that match in. You're still hungry the whole time...but if you're patient and don't give up, once the final match (commitment) hits the coal (realtionship) it turns into a smoldering fire. Now it doesn't have as big of sparks and flames to see, but the true heat is there and lasts. Hell, if you feel it colling down and you want the heat to last, you just throw a few new coals on the fire and the already lit ones will ignite it and keep it going.

I think commitment is the definition of love. Life is struggle, stress, heartache and will take the romance out of anything. But you find the right person who is ready for the same type of commitment, who compliments you and challenges you all the same...and you just keep holding on.

So I agree...romantic love? It's made up and doesn't last anyway. I'd much rather have my slow smolder..and i hope you find the same thing too =)