Thursday, April 09, 2009

Holy (holey?) week

Did I mention the hole in my roof? The one in my tv room? The gaping two foot square hole covered in black plastic? Yaaaaah. It now has a new problem. It is spawning waterbugs. If you are not from the South or live ridiculously close to a body of water, you may not know the atrociousness of these hideous things. Imagine a really big dark brown roach and give it wings. Also make it aggressive. Ugh. So, since all the rain in the past week or so, these bugs have been crawling in through gaps in the plastic. Heck, they may be chewing holes in the plastic. They do that, ya know. Okay, that's a little background info for what I'm about to type.

So it's Holy Week. Last night I had a 3+ hour choir rehearsal at church. When I finally got home absolutely exhausted about ten til ten, I noticed I'd not turned on the front porch light. Damnation. Fine, I can find the keyhole in the dark--I've done it before. When I did get the door just opened, *whoosh!* my cat goes running out the door. Are you kidding me? So I spend a good 5 minutes crawling around on my driveway trying to get the dumb beast out from under my car. He was loving it--rolling around on the ground where I couldn't reach him. This is why many of his nicknames are expletives. I finally corral him inside, and start my night time bed time routine. I was checking my email and winding down when I heard this scurrying noise. Oh damn. I know that noise. Little legs on plastic. Ewwwww! It was the biggest damned waterbug I've EVER seen. I swear it was as big as your face! Well, not really, but it may as well have been. It was at least 4 inches of nasty aggressive flying terrible-ness. I got out my bug spray, and I think the bug laughed at me. "Hahaha! You stupid woman! I'll get you!" And then he flew straight at me. Yes, I screamed like a girl. I kept trying to spray it, and it kept trying to attack me. Keep in mind, I was using the hornet spray that shoots across the room in a stream up to 5 feet. I hit him a couple of times, and then he just went ballistic shaking his wings and running 90 to nothing across the walls and ceiling and floor. Last I saw of him, he'd run back to the wall with the hole in the ceiling. I never saw him again, but I'm sure he'll come back to haunt me.

Thank goodness I'm having the carpets cleaned tomorrow. I'm sure there's enough bug spray in the carpet now to kill a squadron of those damnable beasts.


Anonymous said...

I hate those things!

One suggestion: don't watch any episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer until you get the hole fixed. Watching that show in conjuction with monster bugs might lead to really bad dreams.

Maybe we can do lunch one Sunday after I get through all of my deadlines at work. Right now I head to my office after church.


Heather said...

Dear holy Lord. I hate those waterbugs. I still have a bit of leftover PTSD from a waterbug experience in Houston. Little known fact...the Houston waterbugs make the dallas ones look like pansies.