why oh why?

Okay, this is another not so chipper post, but it will have a good ending. Promise!

Here's my question of the day: why do I let myself hope for things that are so unreasonable? Do I purposely doom myself? Kinda like when I fell for a married guy--twice. No, I never did anything about it because that would be oh-so-seriously wrong. Maybe I have this mental thing that I only want things I can't have. Like the dream job. That'll never happen again, that's for damned sure. Of course I like where I am now, there's moving-up potential, and it's not a governmental agency. AND we have labs all over the world so there is actual moving potential. Kinda like that Maine idea last summer.... I could even go to South Africa if I got desperate enough for a real move (and see RAH again!). Anyway, I'm just being all conflicted at the moment. Maybe it's hormonal. =) Maybe I just need another sports car. Maybe I need to quit listening to Muse's "Map of the Problematique." Maybe I need a real vacation (not just spending all my "off time" in the frakking hospital). Or maybe I should just make that phone call and quit waiting for it to come to me....

Good ending as promised: got to IM with the Mayboy yesterday. He said he'd bring me some tea. What a great guy. Today he is at the birthplace of Confucius. He said it is up in the mountains in the middle of nowhere. Isn't a lot of China like that? He got to take the bullet train to get there. How cool is that? Ooh! Maybe he'll bring me a panda!